im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
