Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
