I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
