I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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