So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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