just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
