we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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