OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
