He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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