So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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