im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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