your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
