Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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