I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
