I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
