okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
what the fuck happened to the tacos
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
