I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
