So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
