Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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