Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
then he tried to convert me to islam
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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