I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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