I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
