You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
