I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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