I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
