so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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