I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
