i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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