Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
