honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
