So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
