Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize