What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
