So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
