you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
