and next time when you feel me up, do it right
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
