She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
