did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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