she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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