at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
