2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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