hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
are you so shy because you have an std?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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