he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
