I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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