A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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