did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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