WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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