He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i now understand why vodka
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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