nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
