I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
