The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
