Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
