I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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