My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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