ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
