never play flip cup with pint glasses
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
