Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The struggles of a small town man whore
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
