dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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