Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
