Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
