Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
