He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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