i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
