True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
