Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
