Your dad touched me again.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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