two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
