there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
