So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
