I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
