Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
