Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
