We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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