had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
