I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
