You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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