Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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